Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
