well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
40s are totally the cure
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
