I looked at my own cervix.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
