the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
