Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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