Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
