A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
