about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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