The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize