They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
