im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
