im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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