At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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