should my penis look like a turkey
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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