I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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