Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
