I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
