Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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