I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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