Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
