He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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