...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize