I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize