Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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