if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
