your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
