talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
