guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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