I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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