the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
