At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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