Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
