Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
