One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize