I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
