Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
