From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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