proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
