just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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