This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
