Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
