She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
