I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
