i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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