They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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