just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
