apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
