We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
