Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
