Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
