Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
