i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
