You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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