Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
