two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
