I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
