one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had sex on a roof
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have already put on my inside pants.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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