just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
