You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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