so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
