12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
