Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize