I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
People in love make me want to vomit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
