xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
