Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
