I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
