remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stole a fireplace last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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