don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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