I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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