i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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