If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
