Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
