k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
