I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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