i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
