just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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