Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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