i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
