I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
