I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
