We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
